Handling Rejection: How To Deal When a Guy/Girl Says No

By Melody Chi on January 22, 2015

Image via Flickr

During the Rejection:

Here is some advice for having The Confession Talk with someone you suspect or know doesn’t return your feelings.

You might have to put some of these into effect halfway through the conversation if you didn’t know beforehand that your crush doesn’t feel the same way, but hopefully they’ll help you salvage the situation.

1. Accept that it might be awkward.

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I think that the No. 1 turn-off when you’re trying to speak to someone who you suspect or know doesn’t return your feelings is that the conversation is usually uncomfortable and potentially somewhat painful.

However, the first and most important thing you can do to make it less awkward is, paradoxically, accept that it will probably be awkward. It’s unavoidable, right? Not to sound like a total robot, but talking about feelings is always awkward.

But if you can get over the fact that it’s uncomfortable, then you can focus on getting out what you have to say without agonizing over exactly how to word it perfectly, if you look nervous, or other minor worries.

Settle for simply saying what you want to say, not saying what you want to say while looking like the coolest, most at ease person on the planet.

2. Be respectful.

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Not all conversations in which you’re rejected have to devolve into tears and barbed comments. In fact, if you’re respectful of your crush’s feelings and their right to feel however they do about you, they’ll most likely respect you more in return.

And there’s nothing bad about being seen as a brave, polite person in your crush’s eyes, right? So be calm, courteous, and contained and you’ll emerge from the conversation as unscathed as possible.

3. Don’t take anything personally.

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Granted, this one is difficult to accomplish, since liking someone and confessing your feelings involves so much intimacy and personal investment. However, the conversation will go a lot smoother and less dramatically if you don’t take the things your crush says or feels personally.

This especially means not holding it against them that they don’t return your feelings. Oftentimes, the guy/girl is regretful that they don’t feel the same way you do, and they legitimately don’t want to hurt you. And I would bet that they’d back me up in saying that they may have their reasons for rebuffing you, but there’s nothing wrong with you as a person.

I know, I know, that’s pretty cold comfort when you’re sitting there pouring your heart out and it feels like they’re stomping all over it, but I think it’s something to keep in mind.

After Being Rejected:

Now that you’ve had the awkward Confession Talk and have been (hopefully gently) shot down, you need to find some way to get over your heartbreak. The following are some things I think may help here.

1. Talk to someone.

Chances are, you’ll need to get some major stuff off your chest if you encounter someone who doesn’t return your feelings the way you want them to.

And that’s okay! Actually, talking to a friend, family member, or professional (that is, a therapist) can go a long way in making you feel better about the whole situation.

However, you should choose your audience wisely to fit the situation. For instance, if you want someone that will just listen to your heartbroken gush of feelings without providing commentary, it might not be the best idea to select that friend who always has to suggest solutions to problems.

Or, if your crush who rejected you is a friend, you may want to avoid putting mutual friends in the middle by asking them to take your side in the disagreement. On the other hand, mutual friends are sometimes able to offer the best perspectives, since they usually know both you and your crush well.

If you want to avoid the whole complicated ‘we’re all mutual friends so I don’t know who is on whose side’ mess, then speaking with a therapist is always a good choice.

Therapists are trained to listen and provide unbiased advice that they think will be the best for you. Having someone like that in your corner after such a depressing and potentially embarrassing scenario can really help you work through your emotions and the whole situation.

2. Listen to some music.

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That’s how I’m supposed to get over my heartbreak?” you might ask incredulously. And my answer would be: trust me, it’ll help.

Obviously, just listening to music won’t solve your problem of unrequited love, but you’d be surprised by how much it’ll soothe you.

Whether that’s blasting some mournful country songs, screaming rock ballads, or Taylor Swift’s latest hit about un-returned love, you’ll doubtlessly find your mood at least a little improved by the end of your tune indulgence.

As a recommendation, Train’s hilarious song “50 Ways To Say Goodbye” is the perfect pick-me-up for those hurt by romance.

3. Do something with your friends.

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Nothing is better at cheering you up than being reminded that you’re genuinely loved. After all, your crush may not return your feelings, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t valued highly by others, such as your friends. (Heck, you might mean a lot to your crush too, just not in that way.)

So hang out with your friends and let yourself feel the love, because you deserve it! Remind yourself that you still have people who support you and that having a one-sided crush isn’t the end of the world.

Also, taking your mind off of the whole scenario can do a world of good for both your mood and perspective, and nobody is better at distracting you in a positive way than your friends.

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