"Get a Job"

By Adam Jacobs on February 16, 2014

Get a job. Make some money. Spend that cash on a lot of stuff you don’t need, save it for something you want but don’t need, or donate it. These are just a few of the reasons we all strive for better livelihoods.

I think the saying, “The grass is always greener” is all about greenbacks. The grass on the other side of that fence looks greener because it’s seeded with actual money. Cash bought the fertilizer, lawnmower, and really cool decorative gnomes that make that side look and appear far better.

So you get over that fence, take a little stroll around, really soak up the atmosphere, and to your great surprise, not all of your wildest dreams have instantly come true. When other people walk by, they “ooh” and “aah” all over your beautifully manicured lawn as you beam, taking pleasure in others’ admiration of the lawn that you posses.

And then guess what happens? The people that walked by have all gone on to live their separate lives. But wait, there’s more! Your precious lawn has completely vanished from their minds. Poof. Just like that, your lawn has been placed in the recycling bin. Your lawn now rests besides memories of videos of goats screaming like humans, the location of their car keys (But I could have sworn I left them on the counter), and the oh-so interesting fact that baboons have been known to kidnap puppies and raise them as pets.*

*Absolutely true. This is the internet, after all. Everything is true.

So where does this sudden lack of any interest in your lawn leave you? If not sitting in the shower and crying, then at least looking out the window at night and realizing you can’t even see your lawn in the dark. It’s just a black surface, like everything else out there. You realize that if we were a nocturnal species, your massive investment in your lawn would be the laughing stock of all of Darkville.

So you start to look around, see what else is out there. You take a peek over at that fence you spent so much time and money getting over, and oooh, look! Whoever owned that land after you added a pool AND a sauna! And it would only cost you a few hundred thousand more than what your side of the fence is worth. With such low APR’s, a mortgage isn’t a good deal: it’s the best deal anyone has ever offered you! The banks are so kind.

You pull the trigger, and the first few weeks are just the best. A few housewarming parties, some sauna sessions the mornings after, and just loving your your voice echos throughout the empty hallways. And then it becomes just another day in your awesome house with the super-cool pool that now needs to be professionally drained.

This is the point where you look out the window and begin to scream internally about the fact that you are now back on the side of the fence you worked so hard to get over. Not only that, but now you have a lot of extra things to pay for, including that mortgage that is on track to outlive you.

This is when you suddenly remember all the missed opportunities. That trip to Bali with a college class. Your friend’s bachelor party where they just happened to come across Jackie Chan in a Chinese restaurant, and cheered him on as he consumed twenty-four spring rolls with extra spring.

My point is, stop looking at that fence. Take a look around. Guess what happened? You forgot how awesome other people are, and how fun that spontaneous decision to go mountain biking was. It sounds cliché, but get out there and do something. Try something new. I tried French toast for the first time in my life a few months ago, and it changed me as a person.

If you really think that all that shiny stuff on the other side of the fence will make you happier, then by all means, go for it. But at least make that money by doing something you’re excited to do. The days fly by like a classic novel, and if you were to write a novel about your life, you wouldn’t want your career achievements to be just a few paragraphs. Make sure those pages turn into chapters filled with things you want to read.

Have yourself an A-1 day.

Image via Geekosystem.com

 

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